Short, Funny Jokes

Things u souldnt laught at
1: ppl falling over
2 Dog crap with foot prints in
3 Micheal Jackson Jokes
4 Someone farting at a funeral
5 at ppl who r a different race
6 Fart Noises
7 ppl with wrestling tshirts
8 ppl chokin at restraunts
9 ppl spilling there drinks
10 ppl jammin there fingers in doors
11 cricket players getting hit in the balls
7 Ppl missing buses or trains by seconds

Slobby. .

Hahaha. I laughed at your list. People missing buses and trains by seconds

rofl

i see ppl missing them so much on the way back from soccer games and start laughin on the train

Heard this on the radio before,

3 men walk into a bar cheering and yelling like the best thing every had happened to them, they were yelling 24! 24!! 24!!! and the bartender is wondering what's so good about 24??? So the men tell the bar tender that they had finished a 100 piece jigsaw puzzle in 24 days, and the bartender says, that's crap!! It took you that long?? So the men said yeh it's fantastic coz on the side of the box it said 3-5 years!

What do you do if an Irishman throws a pin at u? Run, he's still got the grenade in his mouth!

What do u call a moose with no eyes? No eyed deer

What do u call a moose with no eyes or legs? Still no eyed deer

What do u call a gay dinasaur? Megasorearse

The Red Devils said:

Some may think it's lame but I think this is hilarious:

"What's brown and sticky..... A stick!"



Here's another:

"What's purple and smells like paint..... Purple paint!"

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Dale could sue you for that lol

axeman23 said:

What do you do if an Irishman throws a pin at u? Run, he's still got the grenade in his mouth!

What do u call a moose with no eyes? No eyed deer

What do u call a moose with no eyes or legs? Still no eyed deer

What do u call a gay dinasaur? Megasorearse

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nice!

Little four year old sitting in the bath playing with hits nuts. Looks up at his mum and says, "Mummy, are these my brains??

"Not yet" She says.

__________________

A Minister, a Pastor, a Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar. Barman looks at them and says, "Is this some sort of joke??"

__________________

And my personal favourite,

Who was the funniest man to climb Mount Everest??

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Sir Edmund Hilarity.

lol nice jokes everyone, and Slobby, your sig is GOLD!!!!!

I just rememebered the stupidest joke ever!

there a couple who want to show they love each other. They say to meet at the river at 5pm sharp or you dont love the other one. So the man arrived at 5pl amd his girlfriend isnt there so he jumps in the river and kills himself. The wife truend up at 5pm and doesnt see her boyfriend so she just leaves town. (It was daylight savings)

A few years later the girlfriend returns to the town with a new husband and kids. They all go to the river to have a swim.

Guess who jumps out of the water!!!










The gingerbread man!!!

mattbowen said:

I just rememebered the stupidest joke ever!

there a couple who want to show they love each other. They say to meet at the river at 5pm sharp or you dont love the other one. So the man arrived at 5pl amd his girlfriend isnt there so he jumps in the river and kills himself. The wife truend up at 5pm and doesnt see her boyfriend so she just leaves town. (It was daylight savings)

A few years later the girlfriend returns to the town with a new husband and kids. They all go to the river to have a swim.

Guess who jumps out of the water!!!








The gingerbread man!!!

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I must be stupid but I dont get that one!

---------- Post added 17-10-2009 at 01:02 PM ----------

i got one i got one its an irish joke

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Murphy. The boss thought, "I'm not hiring that lazy Mick..." so he decided to set a test for Murphy hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, Without using numbers, represent the number 9. Murphy says, "Dats easy" and proceeds to draw three trees. The boss says, "What the hell is that?" Murphy says "Tree 'n tree n' tree makes nine". Fair enough, says the boss.

Second question, same rules, but represent 99. Murphy stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir" he says. The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" Murphy says, "each tree's dirty now! So it's dirty tree, n' dirty tree n' dirty tree, dats 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire him, so he says, "All right, question three. Same rules again, but represent the number 100". Murphy stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" he makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "There ya go sir. 100." The boss looks at Murphy's attempt and thinks, Ha! Got him this time. "Go on Murphy, you must be crazy if you think that represents a hundred."

Murphy leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases, and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got, dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes a hundred, when do I start my job?"

---------- Post added 17-10-2009 at 01:07 PM ----------

mattbowen said:

hahahha.

Why does Rhiana say "To the left, to the left?"

Because women have no right

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I know I know because she is duckin chris browns right hand!

HAHAHAHA!!

Love that jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?''

Watson: ''I see millions and millions of stars.''

Holmes: ''And what does that tell you?''

Watson: ''Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?''

Holmes: ''Somebody stole our tent.''

slobbythegreat said:

y did the koala fall out of the tree? it was dead
y did the 2nd koala fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the 1st koala
y did the 3rd koala fall out of the tree? it was playing follow the leader
y did the 4th koala fall out of the tree? thought it looked like a fun game
y did the 128th koala fall out of the tree? died waiting for his turn
y did the kangaroo die? a koala fell on it

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haha, your sig is hilarious

Do these still have to be clean?

Nah!

eddy1010cp3 said:

these two would have to be the worst ive ever heard haha

Why can't bob drive a tractor? because bobs a fish

Why did the plane crash? the pilot was a breadstick

lol

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lol a bread stick

1. If you are over forty and you have a washboard
stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked
back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of
your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics and doing the Oprah
diet...Faggot.

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a
dog, but queer -- it grooms itself constantly but never
scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses
its claws and whines to be fed...
And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here!
I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think
about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy,
snookums!' Jeeez you're so queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, ring pops, baby pacifiers or
any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a gaylord. A
straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw
oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet or tits..
Anything else and you are a homo in training and
undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or
piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual
relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he
defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee,
you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will
never be heard ordering a 'decaf soy latte'. If
you've put a decaf soy latte to your lips, you've
had a man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors
or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and
custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes.
A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to
remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse
you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile
other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.



7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it,
you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts
both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to
cut the ***** off. The rest of the time he needs that hand
to change the radio station, eat a hamburger or hold his
beer.