This is gonna be kinda long but if u have ever had a problem with a neighbourhood cat u will get a laugh... We have a nice wee black and white cat owned by my son Jack (5) called Dorothy - after D the dinosaur).
We'd been having lots of problems with a fat cat who kept coming into the house and flogging her food, fighting, had a vet bill of $150 for an infected cut etc. We ended up locking the cat flap so it couldn't get in and Dorothy could go out at night but not come back in till morning.
Anyway - this bastard cat was dead fast. I'd seen it a few times and tried to hit it with things - usually missing by 5 metres because of it's speed! 2 nights ago I was on the loo (fully clothed!) when I heard a rustling outside. I open the window and there's the bloody thing going thru our recycling bin. It didn't see me and I looked round for something to throw - there's not much in a loo! So I grab the air freshener can, open the window some more and then the fat bastard looks up. I hurl it hard and fast and get it right on the back as it takes off. It flies off and the can lands 10 metres away in a bush without ever touching the ground!! Went to bed feeling good about myself!!
Anyway last night I'm sleeping on the couch (as u blokes know who have had new born babies - males in the bed are like spare wheels on a motorbike. If a baby's crying, unless u have boobs - they don't wanna know u. Since I'm a teacher and need my sanity at work, I'm sleeping on the couch) in a sleeping bag. Cos I've won the battle with the cat the previous night I didn't bother locking the cat flap.......#-o
At 11.45pm I wake up because of a rustling in our inside rubbush bag. I'm thinking bloody Dorothy!!! So I hike up the sleeping bag and waddle into the kitchen in pitch blackness and give it my scariest "GET OUT OF IT!!" I was expecting Dorothy to wander out. It didn't happen.
Instead there's this silence and I realise for a split second it's the F*&^%$# cat! I'm blocking it's way out - just as I realise this the bloody thing takes off at breakneck speed straight for the kitchen bench. Behind the bench is the Computer and desk.....on top of the desk is a tray of my best KG jersey numbered cards.....that's right...[-o<
Anyway in a blinding flash the damn thing hurtles thru the air beside me - smashes into a glass blown bowl full of ornamental stones and sends them all crashing to the floor in an explosion of noise. I'm like "FUUCKK!!" then my card tray starts to slip and before u know it all sorts are flying everywhere - I manage to catch the tray as it lands on the kitchen bench among the knocked over pepper shakers a vase of new flowers for the baby, bloody stones everywhere!!! The cat's gone in a second leaving me thankful it didn't run at me! I damn near filled my sleeping bag.:smt087
I turn on the light. All my beautiful cards are all over the place - the place looks like a bombsite.
I have an 05-06 KG finest gold refractor #21/29 glistening on the floor over the other side of the room by the fridge. My 03-04 Ultimate dual patch #21/50 lying down the other end of the bench by the stove, An Exquisite jersey #21/25 face down near the sink. Luckily only the refractor hit the floor hard - nothing's damaged...
Needless to say - that cat is gonna get it.:smt063 :smt071 :smt070 :smt027 :smt072 :smt066 :smt066 :smt066
I told the kids at school and one kid called Ben(who lives in my street) says "that's my Nan's cat - it's called Fatty!"
We'd been having lots of problems with a fat cat who kept coming into the house and flogging her food, fighting, had a vet bill of $150 for an infected cut etc. We ended up locking the cat flap so it couldn't get in and Dorothy could go out at night but not come back in till morning.
Anyway - this bastard cat was dead fast. I'd seen it a few times and tried to hit it with things - usually missing by 5 metres because of it's speed! 2 nights ago I was on the loo (fully clothed!) when I heard a rustling outside. I open the window and there's the bloody thing going thru our recycling bin. It didn't see me and I looked round for something to throw - there's not much in a loo! So I grab the air freshener can, open the window some more and then the fat bastard looks up. I hurl it hard and fast and get it right on the back as it takes off. It flies off and the can lands 10 metres away in a bush without ever touching the ground!! Went to bed feeling good about myself!!
Anyway last night I'm sleeping on the couch (as u blokes know who have had new born babies - males in the bed are like spare wheels on a motorbike. If a baby's crying, unless u have boobs - they don't wanna know u. Since I'm a teacher and need my sanity at work, I'm sleeping on the couch) in a sleeping bag. Cos I've won the battle with the cat the previous night I didn't bother locking the cat flap.......#-o
At 11.45pm I wake up because of a rustling in our inside rubbush bag. I'm thinking bloody Dorothy!!! So I hike up the sleeping bag and waddle into the kitchen in pitch blackness and give it my scariest "GET OUT OF IT!!" I was expecting Dorothy to wander out. It didn't happen.
Instead there's this silence and I realise for a split second it's the F*&^%$# cat! I'm blocking it's way out - just as I realise this the bloody thing takes off at breakneck speed straight for the kitchen bench. Behind the bench is the Computer and desk.....on top of the desk is a tray of my best KG jersey numbered cards.....that's right...[-o<
Anyway in a blinding flash the damn thing hurtles thru the air beside me - smashes into a glass blown bowl full of ornamental stones and sends them all crashing to the floor in an explosion of noise. I'm like "FUUCKK!!" then my card tray starts to slip and before u know it all sorts are flying everywhere - I manage to catch the tray as it lands on the kitchen bench among the knocked over pepper shakers a vase of new flowers for the baby, bloody stones everywhere!!! The cat's gone in a second leaving me thankful it didn't run at me! I damn near filled my sleeping bag.:smt087
I turn on the light. All my beautiful cards are all over the place - the place looks like a bombsite.
I have an 05-06 KG finest gold refractor #21/29 glistening on the floor over the other side of the room by the fridge. My 03-04 Ultimate dual patch #21/50 lying down the other end of the bench by the stove, An Exquisite jersey #21/25 face down near the sink. Luckily only the refractor hit the floor hard - nothing's damaged...
Needless to say - that cat is gonna get it.:smt063 :smt071 :smt070 :smt027 :smt072 :smt066 :smt066 :smt066
I told the kids at school and one kid called Ben(who lives in my street) says "that's my Nan's cat - it's called Fatty!"
